The 1st week that my boyfriend was gone was hard for me I stayed in a lot more and just wanted to remain faithful. Well, that only lasted that month. Lamar came back stronger than ever and guess I was into finding out what could've been. My family adored Lamar much more, as well as my friends since he was closer in age and basically knew all of them. Sad to say but he definitely made it easier to forget about being sad and lonely. Lamar was around for a few good moments in my life. He took me to my prom and was there with roses on the day I graduated but I didn't invite him. Things were just easy with him. The night I graduated we all went out and just as I was getting restless aka "tipsy" and wanted some fresh air he followed me and gave me this well prepared speech about, knowing its wrong for him to have feelings for someone else's girl but why can't he get what he wants sometimes. As many times as I refused to kiss him I allowed it that night. Over the next few weeks we got comfortable with each other and so did my family, everyone forgot about my boyfriend, guess out of sight out of mind again! As a graduation present I received a trip to the Bahamas but right before I left I got a letter from my boyfriend and that should have straighten me out but it didn't especially since Lamar showed up the day before I left getting some much needed quality time. When I returned you would think I got souvenirs for my boyfriend but instead got it for Lamar(my replacement boo).
Days later I got my reality check my boyfriend was graduating from bootcamp and I was going with his family to support him. I let Lamar know this before I left so not to call me while on my trip, probably not the best way to put things but it needed to be done. Being with my man in Texas put things in perspective and while I had feelings for Lamar this is where I needed to be. On the return flight home he called but of course I couldn't answer not with my boyfriend's mother sitting beside me. When we saw each other next he already knew things shifted. The change didn't last long but it couldn't last forever since I was leaving NY for a few years. The night before I left to my surprise Lamar stopped by with a few gifts for me to remember him and out short-lived time. I received a chocolate kiss"for my kisses" a teddybear to hold at night and my favorite perfume that he liked. Just as I thought he was done he starting singing Usher's "superstar" cause for him I was that. Sometimes I still play that song just to remember what that type of feeling was. Feeling u…. Feeling ME!
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