The Jig is Up

So after a very inconsistent year it is time to cut the umbilical cord and grow up. I have touch on Ricky a few times throughout my blog but never gave him a full entry cause simply I didn't know where to start. So as I write my feelings down it's just amazing how I let this get out of hand. I am older than him by a few years nothing major but those lil years make a GREAT difference. It's hard for me to shake someone that has caught me off guard(just ask my ex), because I don't see it coming I get pretty caught up. Case in point Ricky aka Pee Wee. It is crazy how one person has the ability to change your mood with a few words, I went from singing love songs to angry music and posting subliminal words on social networks. With that said, I am just gonna jump in and tell you a story that seemed casual but was wrong from the very beginning…and I knew it all along.

Why do females ignore signs that are smack in front of them? Is it because we are lonely or feel the need to change someone? When I met Ricky I knew he was younger but just brushed it off as a casual thing nothing serious just someone to hang out with while I found a better match especially since he was so close in proximity. It couldn't hurt to come home from a busy day and hang out with someone you enjoyed. The age difference to Ricky didn't matter as much but he always hated when I brought it up and tried to explain how he could do for me as any guy my own age. With words like that I couldn't help but be smitten. As weeks, months persisted he started to become inconsistent and we wouldn't speak for awhile and then out the blue when he was almost out my system he would pop back up. Do guys feel something when they realize a woman is done with them and decides to revisit that situation still leaving with the same outcome? I would play a little hard to get in the beginning but fall right back into place and then w/o a moments notice we were back to square 1. I would always say you can tell how much a person cares about you when something important takes place, just watch their reaction. If they're helpful then they care but if they disappear until it blows over well then they were never serious, and when it came to Ricky he wasn't, pretended to be, even gave big unnecessary speeches to prove his point. After a while it became routine a game even, I pull he push, then disappears, shows up with a joke and we are back to normal. There were times I acted like I didn't care which made him get it together but isn't that the game? Can't pick up on the 1st call, can't always respond to the text cause it seems too available or don't show emotions cause it scares them. Who came up with these rules but why in some cases they are truthful.

There were many times when I asked Ricky to just leave, just leave me alone and walk away but he never would. He said,"the only way we would end is if I did it because he wasn't going to". Didn't want to mess up a good thing but it wasn't a good thing at least not for me. I do believe he might've have liked me but not enough to just be with me and me only. Sometimes guys just hold onto a good thing until a better thing comes along or so they think.

Remember the 80/20 rule fellas better recognize!

Check all that applies

I've read, heard and gotten advice from all different avenues about men and how to keep them. Sometimes it felt as if Oprah was sitting in my living room giving well-needed advice. I have always heard about a checklist and not for just men but for many aspects of life. Here's how its done,you write down your goals or wants rather, seal it and put away until it comes true. As a ridiculous experiment I wrote one up about a man since that was the topic on the television(didn't just pick that topic as if I'm in dire need). To me,I think my hopes, maybe even requirements were pretty realistic nothing that would seem impossible but as years have passed it's starting to look like it. Yes, I have thought about reevaluating and scaling some things down but just didn't want to, don't want to believe that its not possible.

A few months after I wrote it I met a guy named Danny. We were getting pretty serious or thats what it appeared to be. I did have a great time with him or so I thought until I was cleaning out a drawer and found the "list". My hopes on the list didn't reflect the guy I was seeing at the time. The only part that he had was all physical nothing emotional or mental about him met what I really wanted. Even though I brushed it off as a nonchalant experiment it was still my true feelings. So now I'm stuck in a dilemma of continuing to waste my time or enjoying myself and screw what was written. I began to lie to myself and say," well my list requirements are for a husband not for just anybody" but if I'm dating you somewhere down the line we'll come to the crossroads of becoming more serious or me getting stuck in the "whatever" happens role. If my males friends were to read the list would probably say I am thinking to much or I'm describing a women because it isn't in men to contain the characteristics I seek. Men are suppose to be providers not romantics, but strong not sentimental. I tried to provoke more out of Danny and see more than just looks but when that's all you have it isn't much. It is absolutely frustrating being with someone that has the potential but doesn't care to embrace it.

As time persisted his con's simply outweighed the pro's and with that there isn't really a point anymore. I decided that 2010 was going to be the year of the lames and maybe they will have more to offer because they are happy to have you, instead of a man that believes he looks better than you. Ambitious, hard working men…Check, Pretty Boys…. No Thanks!


Check out next to see if I hold true to my new found belief

The Poser

Its Diddy hold up, its Diddy say what. Nah I'm lying, Khalif is a guy I met at Diddy's party and if he did not think it was the 90's and he was Puff himself, in the club with a floor length mink, yes it was January but we are in the club and they have coat check. I initially didn't notice him as I was dancing with an actor who just played Notorious B.I.G in the movie. He and I was dancing until I was heavily approached by Khalif, I was entertained by his attire that I just went with it, the atmosphere was good and I was enjoying myself so why not. We exchanged numbers and off I went with my girls. The very next day he calls and that right there just showed me his age, a guy my age would've at least waited a a day or two. Khalif quickly told me of his profession as he claimed to be a "producer" of an up and coming rapper. I never heard of the rapper at the time but he is definitely known now, SMH! Khalif easily stated that he has money and wanted to share it with someone and broke down the rules and regulations of how this comes about.

1. He doesn't give up money for free, we're grown so I know what's up. Yikes
2. If ever he was in town I should be available at all times.
3. If I'm not interested believe him there are many girls that are.

Is this how men are these days or is it just the assholes with money? I couldn't believe that I was just proposition. I talked it over with a few friends and sadly my girls were all for it. No one question the harmful truth of I really didn't know this man. They asked if I can bring someone then they will go too. No longer than a week was Khalif asking me to fly to Atlanta and stay with him. We would go shopping, attend parties and have a great time, with an offer like that who could refuse, things like this do not happen often but I still wasn't warming up to the idea. I guess he could sense my hesitation and decided to put fire under my butt. Khalif let me know that I didn't have a long time to decide and reminded me of how there are other females willing and excited to jump at the chance. Remember one of his rules, "I'm suppose to be available at all times". When people talk to me like that I do the opposite and say the wrong thing and the wrong thing being…. take them if you got other females why are you calling me. I guess he wasn't expecting that from a young girl so tried to take another approach and ask have I ever been flown some place is this new to me. Once again, I had to shock him and say no and truthfully it was no, I have been flown places before by a guy the only difference we were in a relationship. I don't know this guy and decided to cut losses can't miss someone I never knew, but I did pick up a paper much later to discover that Khalif's team was being investigated and so happy I was smart enough to miss that bullet. So thankful that I wasn't in a remake of a hood classic novel as it sounded to be.

Right question, wrong person

There are times when juggling relationships can be really fun and acting like a guy can seem liberating. You date as many people as you want and dispose of them when done. Well, unfortunately a female doing this is not as simple, as usual old faithful sets in and our emotions are thrown in the mix. This always happens to me, every summer I meet as many as possible and weed them out one by one. Of course there will be a main guy that gets attention more than others, he might get the phone call while everyone else gets a text or maybe even a tweet.The moment that changes everything is when he realizes he got your and therefore you caught.

The beginning stages are great when the guy does everything in his power to win you over(that's if he's really interested). He calls often, sends morning text just to say,"good morning," or later in the day to say "hi" and ask how your day is going. All of this seems genuine and amazing but he is just trying to break down the wall and it seems that all guys know when they have reach that pivotal moment. While as the girl is in bliss doesn't see it coming until the calls have slowed down and now we are dialing religiously. How does this happen time and time again. In my particular case the guy that I have invested most of my time has realized he now has the upper hand and now taking his sweet time giving the runner-up equal opportunity. The runner-up is so excited to be given more chances that he takes the risk and ask for something more real, more solid. Now what girl wouldn't want a commitment, right? For me, I wanted it but the wrong person stepped up but can he truly be the wrong person if the guy you seek doesn't seek you?

This is my.........What's in a title?

More and more recently I hear from both genders that titles are not as important as they once were. If the substance is there than "what's in a title?" that question always baffles me,if the substance is there then why not the title. Why do men (particularly) feel that they can date a women for months even years before giving her the proper title girlfriend or even later down the road wife. How do you introduce this said person… this is my "FRIEND" or this is "Jada," nothing more. Don't they deserve something more?

I have ran into this problem a few times in college where the guy said we know what we are to each other and that's all that matters. He may flirt with other girls but at the end of the night he's coming to be with me, its working for his friend so why am I being so difficult. I was not a fan of the deal he was putting in front of me and eventually we no longer existed to one another. It didn't work for me then and it won't now. A title just lets the female and the world know that you are committed to something… hell someone! How can we be all about you or trusting if you won't give us the respect that you ask of us.

Why does a title change so much?