You are not the "one"!

To piggyback off the last entry when a relationship goes sour it can be hard even harder if you hoped the guy would try to get you back and doesn't. I have had many conversations about this topic and I would say that men need to try harder, while my male friend would argue that when women ignore a man they don't take that as try harder they see it as it's over. Sometimes if he's not fighting to be back in your life either he has found a new or doesn't see you as worth it and that's OK. Females need to learn to not beat ourselves up over the reason why men don't try hard enough for us. We just might not be the "one" and hopefully we'll learn that they weren't either.

To get to this conclusion will take many reflections of self and coming to terms that he may have done you a favor. If he's not even gonna try then why would you want someone like that. My same male friend that I have these talks with doesn't believe that men should have to try, but I do. Actually both people in the relationship should try, I'm not gonna pretend that women should not participate but in all entities of life if you want something you go for it and if you don't this is what happens. No need to lose sleep over it, realize it wasn't meant to be, your more than he was prepared for and you need someone that is more in tuned.

Well Watch Me Now

Guess who's back……… not a man, but me! I am back on the dating scene, even though I never "officially" left but was preoccupied for sometime. Now that I'm back can't say I'm in any rush to be with someone new, gotta make sense of the lessons learned.

Lesson #1 Never settle (self explanatory)
Lesson #2 Don't ignore the signs
Lesson #3 Get out of bad habits(dating certain men)

Out of the lessons I think the most relatable is #2. Why do we choose to ignore things that can prevent situations altogether? Is it because it doesn't fit into our pretty picture or certain actions prevent us from seeing clearly. If a guy says "he doesn't want to be in a relationship" please don't think you can change his mind. You should never have to prove yourself to the opposite sex that you are the right choice. I believe that thought process is where females get it wrong. After a few months w/o a title females need not to forget what he said from the beginning. Of course he's happy, why shouldn't he be he is getting all the benefits with no hard work. So I say before it gets too deep look at the basics and if there is no real potential then walk away. If he liked you he will do what they all do which is come back but hopefully you'll be to far gone to even consider.

Welp, here I am getting back to me, living and loving life experiences. Hope you all will once again embark on this discovery with me.

Timing

......means everything in all aspects of life. Jobs, apartments and most of all relationships. Sometimes people are not emotionally available to be with the next person as much as they hope to be but is that a honest statement or just a scapegoat? There are times when you do meet someone but you two just happen to be in different places in life. I remember reading that a man(a good man) can not be with a woman if he does not have his life together first. Yea they may have women to entertain them but no one that will make the cut officially. So as a female is this fair? No, of course not. Does it happen? A lot more than it should.

At a young age I was in a serious relationship. While my friends were young and hanging out I was with one specific person doing the couple thing and having quality time with each others families. My relationship went from high school onto my junior year in college, there was a proposal and everything. When that chapter ended I just wanted to be free and date as many people as possible nothing too serious I already did that. So any guy I met in the meantime unfortunately I wasn't prefer for. Now that it was years later and I met someone, still not in the best place to try it I was willing to. Sadly, karma came back around and the guy that I thought I wanted wasn't in the mood for a relationship, but 'liked" me a lot. Never did I think I could change his mind or try to but I didn't cut him off either. I realized we wanted two different things and therefore made no point to continue on, but it wasn't that simple. Feelings have now gotten involved and some great moments shared, to bad for all the good there were a lot more bad. You would think if I felt this way and expressed it then he'd feel the same and would also want to move on but he didn't. He was willing to go the rounds with me because he rather argue with me than be good with someone else.

I could lie to myself and wait until some real feelings surface but I won't it's painfully obvious. So I appreciate that he told me he "likes" me a lot but can't be with me and only me instead of having me believe we were committed to one another only for him to cheat. Even with that mature realization it doesn't make it any easier. It is unfair that I am ready now and the guy I'm finally ready to do that with isn't. What makes us emotionally unavailable?

The Jig is Up

So after a very inconsistent year it is time to cut the umbilical cord and grow up. I have touch on Ricky a few times throughout my blog but never gave him a full entry cause simply I didn't know where to start. So as I write my feelings down it's just amazing how I let this get out of hand. I am older than him by a few years nothing major but those lil years make a GREAT difference. It's hard for me to shake someone that has caught me off guard(just ask my ex), because I don't see it coming I get pretty caught up. Case in point Ricky aka Pee Wee. It is crazy how one person has the ability to change your mood with a few words, I went from singing love songs to angry music and posting subliminal words on social networks. With that said, I am just gonna jump in and tell you a story that seemed casual but was wrong from the very beginning…and I knew it all along.

Why do females ignore signs that are smack in front of them? Is it because we are lonely or feel the need to change someone? When I met Ricky I knew he was younger but just brushed it off as a casual thing nothing serious just someone to hang out with while I found a better match especially since he was so close in proximity. It couldn't hurt to come home from a busy day and hang out with someone you enjoyed. The age difference to Ricky didn't matter as much but he always hated when I brought it up and tried to explain how he could do for me as any guy my own age. With words like that I couldn't help but be smitten. As weeks, months persisted he started to become inconsistent and we wouldn't speak for awhile and then out the blue when he was almost out my system he would pop back up. Do guys feel something when they realize a woman is done with them and decides to revisit that situation still leaving with the same outcome? I would play a little hard to get in the beginning but fall right back into place and then w/o a moments notice we were back to square 1. I would always say you can tell how much a person cares about you when something important takes place, just watch their reaction. If they're helpful then they care but if they disappear until it blows over well then they were never serious, and when it came to Ricky he wasn't, pretended to be, even gave big unnecessary speeches to prove his point. After a while it became routine a game even, I pull he push, then disappears, shows up with a joke and we are back to normal. There were times I acted like I didn't care which made him get it together but isn't that the game? Can't pick up on the 1st call, can't always respond to the text cause it seems too available or don't show emotions cause it scares them. Who came up with these rules but why in some cases they are truthful.

There were many times when I asked Ricky to just leave, just leave me alone and walk away but he never would. He said,"the only way we would end is if I did it because he wasn't going to". Didn't want to mess up a good thing but it wasn't a good thing at least not for me. I do believe he might've have liked me but not enough to just be with me and me only. Sometimes guys just hold onto a good thing until a better thing comes along or so they think.

Remember the 80/20 rule fellas better recognize!

Check all that applies

I've read, heard and gotten advice from all different avenues about men and how to keep them. Sometimes it felt as if Oprah was sitting in my living room giving well-needed advice. I have always heard about a checklist and not for just men but for many aspects of life. Here's how its done,you write down your goals or wants rather, seal it and put away until it comes true. As a ridiculous experiment I wrote one up about a man since that was the topic on the television(didn't just pick that topic as if I'm in dire need). To me,I think my hopes, maybe even requirements were pretty realistic nothing that would seem impossible but as years have passed it's starting to look like it. Yes, I have thought about reevaluating and scaling some things down but just didn't want to, don't want to believe that its not possible.

A few months after I wrote it I met a guy named Danny. We were getting pretty serious or thats what it appeared to be. I did have a great time with him or so I thought until I was cleaning out a drawer and found the "list". My hopes on the list didn't reflect the guy I was seeing at the time. The only part that he had was all physical nothing emotional or mental about him met what I really wanted. Even though I brushed it off as a nonchalant experiment it was still my true feelings. So now I'm stuck in a dilemma of continuing to waste my time or enjoying myself and screw what was written. I began to lie to myself and say," well my list requirements are for a husband not for just anybody" but if I'm dating you somewhere down the line we'll come to the crossroads of becoming more serious or me getting stuck in the "whatever" happens role. If my males friends were to read the list would probably say I am thinking to much or I'm describing a women because it isn't in men to contain the characteristics I seek. Men are suppose to be providers not romantics, but strong not sentimental. I tried to provoke more out of Danny and see more than just looks but when that's all you have it isn't much. It is absolutely frustrating being with someone that has the potential but doesn't care to embrace it.

As time persisted his con's simply outweighed the pro's and with that there isn't really a point anymore. I decided that 2010 was going to be the year of the lames and maybe they will have more to offer because they are happy to have you, instead of a man that believes he looks better than you. Ambitious, hard working men…Check, Pretty Boys…. No Thanks!


Check out next to see if I hold true to my new found belief